Although time is flying faster than we can all say Mississippi...I have to admit that I love new beginnings. Whether is Sundays/Mondays, a new year or a new month, I truly enjoy the positive vibe of "first days" and work diligently in keeping the momentum going. :)
I woke up super later this morning (11:30 ish) and didn't eat "breakfast" (lunch?) until almost 12pm:
Okay guys, I need to vent about something. Blogging to me can be a good therapy sometimes so I want to share that yesterday was a total disaster in terms of my eating habits. I retrieved to something I hadn't done in a while: binge eating. It was a beautiful Saturday in NYC yet I had absolutely no desire to go outdoors. All I wanted to do was stay in my apartment and eat. And by that I mean just consuming everything in sight and not necessarilly enjoying the stuff I was shoving in to my mouth. I knew I had gone through an episode when my stomach started to hurt because of how full it was. I felt sorry for hurting my body in such a way.
I think eating sometimes works as a numbing mechanism to shut my brain from all worries. But I've always known that is not an effective approach to handle things. Am I depressed? well, not really. I'm just a tad stressed about some stuff going on in my life right now.
I am currently at or fast approaching a crossroads in my life. I will have to make some personal decisions regarding the path my life is taking. Things at work are not going well. I have the manager from h3ll whom is also seriously bi-polar and I just don't get a bad vibe from her or what she would be capable of doing to me. However, past the situation with my manager, I am not happy with my current job and by that, I mean the job itself. I have been with the company since I graduated college back in 2005 and although I have been grateful for my salary, my benefits, my bi-weekly pay check and the fact that they pay for my master degree; I have never felt truly fulfilled at this particular job and I've always known deep inside that I had to make moves to find a fulfilling career with a purpose where I could also be genuinly happy. However, I never really put much effort in to it.
Nonetheless, I am going to be faced with making decisions very soon which can be seriously life changing. The dilemma with me staying at this current job mostly has to do with my parents. I grew up in a family with old school parents whom believe in being loyal to your employer forever. To my parents, a job is sacred (even if you are miserably unhappy) and people should do everything in their power to keep the job they have. My mom would even get mad at me when I've mentioned in the past that I was looking for a new job or career. She would give me a crazy look.
...But guess what, it is 2011, i am still in my 20s and I don't believe in staying at a job where one is truly miserable. I understand the importance of a steady paycheck, of health benefits, of being economically secure. However, I also know that life is extremely short and nobody deserves to be miserable or tolerate being disrespected at their work place just because they have a job and they should just be happy with it. To me that is a mediocre mentality and thinking back at all the honor roll awards I received from elementary school and all the way in to college---mediocrity is not in my blood. I have known this forever but Ive also been too comfortable at my job to do anything about it.
No matter what---I have to thank God for this wake up call because its making me think about where exactly I want to go and what exactly I want to do with my life. I cant lie, I am very scared of uncertaintly or of whats going to happen to me in th next months. However, I also have faith in that things are happening for a reason and that God will be holding my hand through this process. Is time to get up the comfortable "couch" ive been sitting on for way too many years and walk towards new beginnings. As terrifying as that might feel right now; I know that at the end of the day everything will fall in to place.
...any advice you guys want to provide is welcomed.
Happy sunday. Happy May 1st, 2011. :)