It took me some time to realize that it was over considering I still lingered with the idea of getting back together. I would wake up and constantly think about what I could have, should have, or shouldn’t have done and with incredible feelings of regret that would try to take over my mind at least every 5 minutes. The pain and suffering came as contractions. I haven’t had a baby yet but from my understanding; contractions first come slowly and then come very close together until eventually the birth happens (this is a very condensed version).
In my case, and as it probably is in these kind of situations, it was the other way around. The contractions right after the breakup where VERY close together. I would be perfectly okay for a few minutes and then the excruciating pain, suffering; regret would come again-- Unannounced and aggressively. One of the main reasons for this was the fact that I remained hopeful that things would turn around. Although being hopeful brought some brief relieve; it wasn't long until the pain would gear its ugly head again. I soon realized holding on to the idea of what we were was not taking me anywhere.
The good thing about any kind of significant suffering in life is that time heals everything. Things may hurt like no tomorrow for some time until they no longer have an effect on us. I am not here to sugar coat anything. Memories hurt. The idea of "what could have been" hurts. Having to fill the void of someone you got so accustomed to hurts. Deleting future plans from your mind hurts. The thought of waking up in the morning and having to face reality hurts. For some time even going to sleep on an empty bed hurt like hell. But then it doesn’t hurt anymore. And that’s probably one of the most liberating feelings in the world! Welcome peace, & serenity. Welcome. I missed you.
The bad news—having to pick up the pieces of your heart, put them back together, and live again. The best part? Living again! Is all how you look at it, see? I was so consumed in this relationship that things that made me happy took a back seat. In other words, I stopped doing every single thing that brought me joy when I was single: Running, blogging, reading magazines, watching my favorite shows, being joyful and optimistic, planning for the future. I don’t blame him for that. I blame myself. Why? Because I replaced all those things that brought me joy with a person and then I expected that one person to bring me just as much (or more joy) than the things that intrinsically made me happy when I was on my own. If that’s not the key to unhappiness I don’t know what is.
Yes. There were red flags from the very beginning. We started off as friends and I knew the type of person he was prior to us getting romantically involved. However, in love you take chances and that’s what I did and I don’t regret it. In retrospect, I knew better but I decided to listen to my heart and you know what--- that’s TOTALLY okay. Is life. Life ends. We have to live it. I just have to remember to take my brain with me next time I want to jump in to something without a parachute.
One of the main things I learned from this relationship:
2. People are who they are and they don’t change. The more we push a person to change the more complicated things will get and the more arguments that will arise. People change when THEY want to change and IF they want to never because anyone is forcing them to be a certain way. We either accept the person as they are, put up with whatever it is that bother us and "hope" that one day things will change…or we simply walk away.
3. If you can clearly identify a pattern of the type of people that constantly break your heart; you’ve won 80% of the battle! (The other 20% is not falling in to the same pattern again).
4. It is true what they say--- never, ever, ever, go to bed angry with your significant other. If its someone you want a long term future with (otherwise, who cares ;).
For some time I wanted to hold on because the idea of letting go and starting fresh was too painful. The idea of transition was painful. Today I accept that I had to go through that pain but also realize that the pain was illogical because I wasn’t happy, most of the time I was miserable, and I knew it! Yet I still wanted to hold on to the idea of what "could be". And that was probably my biggest misconception.
So how did I heal? It wasn’t easy at first and it takes time but I promise you that the other side is wonderful and it will wait for you with open arms.
"When someone leaves is because someone else is about to arrive". -Coelho
The strangest thing is that once that was over someone asked me out almost immediately. The person that asked me out didn’t even know I had a boyfriend so it had nothing to do with me announcing to the world that I was ‘newly single’. Although I was very flattered I declined because it was too soon and I knew in my heart that I needed some time to heal and be okay on my own again. My point is that I am almost certain that when we finally let go of something that’s not currently meant to be in our lives we open up the doors for things that should be. I like to think of it as clearing the space for my true destiny—whatever that may be. And It may be scary but is also exciting.
Exciting > Scary
Until I am ready to date again and reunite with the love of my life I will be keeping occupied by doing the following activities; including but not limited to:
- Working out
- Cleaning out my fridge (and my apartment) of any reminders of that person
- Going grocery shopping for fresh produce! Goodbye orange juice!
- Food prepping
- Writing out a workout schedule for myself
- Planning trips to visit people around the US
- Planning dates with my friends (the ones who remain)
- Watching my favorite shows while browsing my favorite magazines
- Learning to cook with mom
- Spending quality time with family and loved ones
- Taking care of myself inside and out
- Meditating (Finnally try some Yoga?!)
- Meeting new friends
- Meeting new people
- Moving forward
The future is bright!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am happy. One day this will be a very distant memory. I choose Joy :)
I share this not for any kind of pity but because I am sure there is someone out there that can relate and make feel peace from reading this right now. We are never alone!
As for my ex, he is not a bad person. I hold no grudges. I have no regrets. Maybe we will go back to being good friends or maybe we’ll go back to being acquaintances or maybe the future may have different plans for us. Maybe the love will blossom again one day under different circumstances. Only God knows!
One thing I know for sure is that when people are meant to end up together there is nothing that will keep them apart and when they are not, the opposite is also true. So I move forward in peace, leaving the rest in God’s hands and with this, I finally let go and and I fly...